The Moon aspects to Capricorn is something I know all too well. There is a blaring Moon conjunct Saturn in my 2nd house in Libra. As I write this I cringe but I also feel compelled to tell you about it, girl so pull up a chair. My experience with my controlling, overbearing, histrionic, narci-mom, and the band of hardcore emotionally stunted women that came before her (my grandmother & great grandmother) was a consistent uncomfortable emotional breakdown that I had to face all my life. Along with an aristocratic delusional fantasy. From the latter I learned to carry to myself with pride, to hold my head up high, and that if I don’t have any money I don’t have to look like it. Very much Capricorn allowances. Me: “but what about my feelings?” Them: “Girl what about your feelings? You better suck it up and move on.” On the flip-side in order for them to be pleased with me, which they never were, I had to stuff my hurt feelings. And since they are were hurt all the time by the shrewd judgment and the lack of wiggle room for my identity I had the hard times being seen, heard and felt. The lack of intimacy in my life was glaring and my string of co-dependent relationships (friendships and lovers) where I often begged for reciprocity is just one symptom. The other symptoms are not knowing my limits, pushing myself too hard, not knowing when enough is enough, and not trusting my inner knowing. So, the aspects of this full moon will bring up discomfort that may trigger your inner critic instead of being sensitive to your feelings. Sometimes we need to push through and sometimes we need to love ourselves through.
Moon/Capricorn is about how we treat the parts of us that we see as a weakness. These lessons in my life have led to a painful lose of my sensitivity and then the heroes journey of working hard to gain it back. The heroes journey back to being one with my inner child has given me adult wisdom and understanding towards this human condition. This pain that this full moon can lead to feelings of self-defeat which can be a bottomless pit. Which can lead to a obsessively wanting to get rid of feeling like something is wrong or the sense that “I am bad.” If we feel that we are bad, we will treat ourselves and others bad. Don’t walk on egg-shells and put the covers over head in defeat or depression. There are no issues that are bigger than the source of all life. Face the monster you think has reared its ugly head in the mirror. The answer is to up your self-care quotient and turn that monster into a fair princess. Know that your rhythms will sometimes leave send you high flying and other times low in the valley. Take this opportunity to reach out to your soul community. Do some hand massages with each other and bring a box of tissues. This full moon has brought out for me just how over my relationship with my narci-mom really is. Its never going to be the perfect mother-daughter experience that I’ve always wanted. In order for me to move on to explore other areas that have more energy flow I have to accept that blaring flaw just the way it is.
I wasn’t expecting to be inspired to write anything. I have been practicing ordinary connection to my body. I have a tendency to over use my mental-psychic gifts. I also need to heal my wound to focus on meeting goals. So I am willing to not work on anything and lay around and just BE even though that stresses my out, aka, it puts me face to face with my wound. My intuition is cracking her gentle nurturing whip on this point with me. So I have no expectations or goals for writing this. I am just going to express myself for the sake of expressing myself. The more I do this, the more I am present, and in tune not with my goals but with essence and loosening my assemblage points, heavy burdens, & misery. I am moving in and out of work. Like a beautiful lanky winding dance. I imagine myself belly dancing in the full moon light for my enjoyment. My rags are flowing, my eyes are open towards the moon & stars, and my silhouette is enveloped in the full moon light. That is when something hypnotic takes over me and my movements become meaningful, full of magical lilu energy. A lot of who I am is for no reason to the non-enchanted. To the naked eye my life has no meaning. Appeasing this perception has been my wound to heal lately, that perspective that I’m not living up to my potential because I wasn’t born to have goals. My purpose to live. Live and be an example of what its like when you allow and accept. Its a really simple life with a wide range of experiences. But sometimes I get caught up in making goals and I choke the life and meaning out of my life.
This Full Moon in Libra, which is my birth moon has allowed me to see the beauty and purpose in my personal essence. The non-control of the feminine receptivity vessel is an entity and world unto itself and that is what I am, what I have, and what I give. I listen. This listening becomes a mystical experience. Listening becomes absorption of the essence of nature and what your eyes can see becomes a sensation. A sharing happens and a relationship with life holistic ensues. There is a natural healing in the wind blowing through the green-yellow leaves on trees. If you listen you from your window pane you may hear a story of open-ness, allowance, acceptance of what is, and the willingness to let it all fall away when it’s over. Listening without needing to respond is the secret of feminine creation. You don’t have to stress out to make anything happen. You can listen, breathe and absorb the healing gifts, ride the waves that have always been all around you. Libra Full Moon has reached me and touched my spirit and has deadened my resistance to simple rest and enjoyment of the dew drops that I love so much that lay on top of glass blades in the morning. My sensitivity to life is my life. I share it with all of you. Peace to you and Silim (meaning: ‘health to you’ in ancient Akkadian-Sumerian language)
The Taurus Full moon is beginning starting 11/3 and 11/4. The tarot cards that I would like to show you that represent Taurus and the full moon together. Taurus energy ask, what makes you feel comfortable at home, what activates your senses, and why? Because Taurus needs its creature comforts at home to rest and repair from working hard. Taurus rejuvenates with good home cooked meals, candle lit bathes, emotional open-ness that all lead to abundance, fulfillment, and prosperity. On the first day of the full moon clear your space, clean your home, make it comfy, smell good, plump your pillows, get your warm blankets out of the cedar chest. See how content you are in your home. You really do have everything you want and need right under your nose. This represents the 4 of cups. Sometimes we don’t like to clean and make things intricate because its temporary like the little girl in the 4 of pentacles building her sand castles, she puts a lot into those castles, without regard that the ocean is going to come and sweep them away. You can only control what you can do and effort you put into something, like everything else in life, what happens next is up to the Gods but that shouldn’t stop you from doing your best to make your ritual the best it can be for the joy of it all. This has been a rough year for us all and the 4 of swords represents taking a pause and centering in on yourself for some self-care and meditation. Prepare your mind and ask yourself what would make me feel the most free, prosperous and abundant? the keyword is Pause. Taurus is great at relaxing. You don’t have to have the answer right away, you can ask and walk away until the next night of the full moon. Its good to show that you trust in the Great Cosmic Mother to show you the way to consciousness. So ask and let go. During the full moon it brings our emotions to a peak of heightened awareness also take a pause to get real about how you really have been feeling to make room for the question you just asked. It is hard for the universe to show you the right way to move if you are clogged up with excess emotions. When we are bogged down and feelings are overwhelming our mind and awareness can be taken up by clutter. It is important to remove clutter inside and outside to manifest. The next evening if you are not all the way clear, you could possibly clearer than you were before. We have been having a rough year, what now do you want to manifest that would make you feel like celebrating your life? The four of wands is a celebration, you made through your initiation period, you made it through the rough patches, you got the greatest gifts life can offer, home, health, marriage, happiness, comfort, and support. Whatever will create the life you want write that down in a journal. Go outside during the second night of the full moon and sing to the Mother Goddess of All Consciousness and let her take over. You can continue your ritual purging throughout the next 10 days with cleansing bathes, healing blockages, and making a list of what you can do to manifest your dreams. The last card I pulled is the 10 of cups, the card of wish fulfillment, your intentions and rituals for this full moon is ongoing throughout the next 6 month even. Look for your manifestations into next year. Happy Taurus full moon!